Alone.

I tried my hardest not to cry the first night Brent left. I was thankful to be staying with a friend for a few days so I wasn't alone. Simply sleeping in a bed alone was new. Since being married a year and a half ago Brent and I have spent one night apart. I don't think I knew right away just how hard it would be to be working in different cities. I am now moved into what is supposed to be our apartment and the more time I spend there, the more nights I go home from work to an empty apartment, I cannot help but feel more alone then I have in a long time.

Brent is in Vaughan and I am in Chatham throughout the week. On weekends he comes home to Chatham and I would like to say that all is wonderful and magical, but to be honest it is harder then we thought. For me it took a lot to fall into being married. To having things that were 'mine' and having them not be where I left them. To be considerate of someone else when I went to get groceries  or when I wanted to just watch Gilmore Girls all day and night for weeks straight (yes Brent puts his foot down on this sometimes, and it was hard for me to handle). We then fell into a place of living together, we took on roles like he cooked and washed the cutlery and I did the laundry and general house cleaning. Brent took out the garbage and I got the groceries  It was wonderful, it worked. Obviously these things were not set in stone, but we enjoyed the roles we took on and everything worked.

Now however, with me being alone in an apartment for the first time ever! Yes, I went from my parents house, to having room mates in university, back to my parents house and then to a house with my husband. As a result, there may currently be a bag of garbage sitting at the door and I only have one knife left clean. I know I have to do these things myself. That I cannot wait for Brent to come home on Saturday and help me.  I want life to be normal with Brent on the weekends, but it's hard for life to be normal when it is only two nights and there is so much you want to do.

I never thought I would miss him like this. I never thought I would not be able to deal with the noises I hear at night and the idea of going home to an empty apartment. Brent and I did long distance our entire dating and engaged relationship except for the odd month during a summer here and there. We longed for the weekends together and we were able to in many ways stop life and enjoy our time together. Now however it doesn't work like that. With my new job I will be working every other Saturday and with our new apartment it feels like there is always something that can be done.

The light at the end of the long distance tunnel for us is Europe (hopefully in the spring) and work experience. The more wonderful work experience we get the closer we are to a full time job. The closer we are to a full time job means the closer we are to maybe one day having jobs in our field, that we love, ideally in Chatham. For now however, I am learning to live on my own.  I will get over my hatred for washing cutlery and hopefully be able to enjoy the time Brent and I get to spend together instead of being sad about what Sunday night holds.We are praying and hoping that in the end we are stronger in our relationship and better for it.