Soccer Begins.

Monday night I felt like a little kid all over again. The weather was cold, I was nervous and in no way prepared for my first night of soccer in about five years.



I played soccer all through childhood, from before I was old enough for house league, to playing travel and refereeing and coaching. I used to love soccer. It was fun and easy and a wonderful way to spend my summers. Then I got a bit too much of a good thing and I quite. I tried again a few years ago and again the results were not as I anticipated. I hated it 90% of the time and again I quite. I really swear I do not quite a lot of things, it is not like me to quite, but something about soccer just made it seem right.

This summer I decided I would play again. Soccer is a wonderful form of exercise and is inexpensive making it an ideal summer activity for me. However great it may seem on paper, I was still extremely nervous both of the idea of playing soccer again after such a long break and also the various fears that I have associated with it. I discuss some of my previous apprehensions here. And Monday night I feel like some of them came to light. I went into the night extremely nervous, more nervous then I have been for anything in a long time. I would take going to boot camp a hundred times alone over the feeling of nerves I had going into that soccer game (and yes I hate the nights I have to go to boot camp alone).

My fear before showing up to the game was the uniforms not fitting. I explained it to my husband that I would be ok if I missed the ball and fell flat on my face but I am not sure I can mentally handle the uniform not fitting. I was always the kid growing up who had to have the biggest uniform. I wore the highest number in basketball, not because I liked the number, but because it was the biggest uniform. I am still bitter at whoever thought to number kids based on size, its like a big highlighter mark saying 'look at the big kid on the team'. Shorts never fit. Shorts never have fit and yet again the shorts did not fit Monday at soccer. The jersey was tight and I felt awkward. I wore the only shorts I own which are a pair of navy ones that are used mainly for laying around the house and I do not think they have ever actually seen action. I handled this a bit better then I did as a kid. No one said anything about them not fitting and now at least there is a specific day in which I can trade in the shorts for a bigger pair.

It is also funny how once you start to run and play that you forget about the fact that your shorts are riding up and your shirt is going with it and how terrible you might look because the wind is doing something crazy to your hair. I was able to enjoy playing. I felt a little off, but the team was very helpful and encouraging. It had been 5 years since I last played and I am glad I signed back up.

I enjoyed the actual playing of soccer. I was ok, and I feel like it can only get better as the season goes on. We won as well, which made is easier, but I know already that the part I am going to struggle with most is the social aspect of it. The team consists of what I gather to be groups of sisters who are always together and best friends. Then there are a few girls who are either in high school or just finished high school, so I do not really know where I fit in. As of right now I just sit quiet and partially hope no one talks to me. I suck in social situations.

So overall, I am excited to be playing soccer again. I did really miss it, but I think it is going to take a bit for the nerves to disappear and for me to feel a bit more comfortable.